Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
