Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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