So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
