My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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