dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
