I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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