May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it hurts more in the daytime
do herpes really smell.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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