I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
