I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
