"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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