I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
