Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
