So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
