I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
