I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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