I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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