Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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