my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
