Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
