i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
