def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
