I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
