Plan B is the new Plan A
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
