And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
