you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
