Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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