It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize