i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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