So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
