Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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