I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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