you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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