I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
