this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
