I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
