Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
