WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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