dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
a search helicopter?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
