also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's how pantless uber rides happen
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He shit in the fireplace
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