People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize