she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
