Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
