he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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