So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
