this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
