new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can't turn off my feet"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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