Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
