I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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