All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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