Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
