Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
