I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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