Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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