I am midnight drunk by noon
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
