What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
