The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
