he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she looked like the before picture.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
