please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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