You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
