Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
