Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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