i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
