Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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