Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
