Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
