At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
