It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
