Jerry, you need to find god
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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