I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't put those talents on a resume
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
