i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
