I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
