Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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