i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
