Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
