I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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