she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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