i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize