I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
