the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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