I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
