mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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