If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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