i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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