I look better un-naked...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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