I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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