If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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