I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
