You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
