her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
