i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
