don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize