I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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