I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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