I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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