Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
