3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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