Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
