it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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