You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
