he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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