you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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