hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
