I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize