I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
