Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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