why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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