Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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