I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
