I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
