Well douche your snatch and let's go!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Boobs speak an international language.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
