There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
