Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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