Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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